So you’re looking for an article on SEO that’ll help make sure those pesky spiders over at Google don’t take too kindly to your website then? Not for you those lofty positions within the first page of the search results. After all, a high ranking website can mean only one thing – a serious loss of your free time.
Who wants to be dealing with a never ending stream of traffic generated by a page one listing on Google?
For you, the letters SEO stand for only one thing – Sales Employee Overworked. So let’s look at some tactics to help you protect your precious free time and keep that website down where it belongs, buried deep down beyond the first few pages at least. Hopefully no one will notice it, and you can concentrate fully on the most important part of your business – you.
First of all you’ll want to think about the web content itself. Clearly it will be important to make sure you either choose to write very little, and of course make absolutely sure you never make any changes that might make the search engines think you maintain an active interest in your online presence, or you could choose to really stuff your site full of keywords and keyphrases.
Keyword stuffing was hugely popular a few years back, and for a very brief while it almost seemed to work.
These days of course it’s seriously frowned upon by the search engines, and so any website doing this is certainly likely to find itself safely tucked away well beyond the first hundred or so search results. Anything over about 5% keyword density is almost certainly likely to see your website sink like a brick wearing a lead jacket and concrete boots after a heavy meal.
Don’t forget those meta tags too – they can really help your case. Most SEO gurus know that Google pays no attention at all to the keywords meta tag, but the title meta tag can often prove useful, as can the description tag – you’ll see both of these used to create the listings you see on the search results pages.
Just make sure you throw as many keywords as possible into those tags, and while you’re at it, a few spelling mistakes won’t hurt too – just make sure you never use that pesky spellchecker, and never bother to proof read – it’s only extra work after all.
Now there’s the marketing side of website promotion and search result placement to consider. Those poor fools who actually enjoy work and making money, rather than sitting idly eating popcorn and watching daytime television, often either write search engine optimised articles, or use an article service to create articles optimised for Google’s latent semantic indexing, or LSI.
Don’t worry too much about what these are – that’s too much like hard work to try and understand how these methods apply – simply remember a few simple rules and you’ll be well on your way to a life of penniless luxury!
When writing SEO articles it’s important to remember that you’re not writing for real people, you’re writing for the search engine’s bots and spiders. Who needs the interest and attention of real people? They’ll only take up your time by placing orders.
Articles written by a professional article service will almost certainly be written to appeal to both the search engines, and to real people, but this is almost certainly making extra work for yourself, so scrap the people appeal straight away.
You can do this by making sure that your articles are stuffed full of keywords and keyphrases, making sure you repeat yourself as many different ways as you can. If a thing’s worth saying, it’s worth saying over and over again, using almost identical wording each time, and making sure that keyword or keyphrase is in there every time! While you’re at it, why not make the keyphrase bold and a hyperlink – really draw attention to it!
Here’s another great little tip – grab yourself one of those nifty little article spinners! These are used by lazy article marketers who can’t be bothered to write articles properly, so what they do is write one half hearted article that’s pretty dull and stuffed full of keywords, and then use a computer to create hundreds of versions that are even more unreadable than the original! By submitting these to article directories you can be sure that anyone stumbling across your article will certainly not reach the bottom to see the link, so you needn’t worry about getting any sales that way.
By spamming your article across hundreds of article directories, and by using article spinners to create bizarre and unreadable articles, and by using keyword stuffing wherever possible, you’re certain to find the search engines making sure that your website is tucked away where no one will ever see it, leaving you to enjoy the peace and quiet you deserve.